One could be tempted into judging the quality of an English teacher in Mexico by such silly metrics as devotion to the job, quality of work, and detail of planning.

But my colleagues at school have come up with something much better: The best teacher is the one who got the most presents for Dia del Maestros (Teacher’s Day), which was Thursday, May 15. And what a day it was, as both the turnout and diversity of gifts proved quite impressive. Here’s how we all stack up:

Fellow Teacher Anna: Some roses, a box of cookies, two batches of homemade cookies, a chocolate bar, and a plastic ring.

Fellow Teacher Rosee: Three boxes of chocolates, a cake, an origami heart, a silver pendant, and a lily flower. All this loot came from “the one class that appreciates me,” she said. That class threw a party for her, and that led to perhaps the greatest gift of all: leftover plastic cups, which she plans to use to carry, ahem, beverages when we all go out. Such are the hazards and rewards of living in an area with no open container laws that we are aware of. 

Fellow Teacher Jen: A lipstick (a good quality one, she reports), a makeup bag, and on the weird side, a pirated children’s computer program. 

Fellow Teacher Dan: A tee-shirt, biscuits (he means cookies, but we can forgive him for being British), and a huge thing of Jello. 

Yours truly: Some blackberries, a chocolate bar, a chocolate kiss, a bag of random candies, a little toy made of wooden slats, a key-chain, and two boxes of chocolates.

So who won? That turns out to be a more difficult question than anyone anticipated. Do we judge gifts by how many students actually gave (Rosee wins, with seven, and I tie for second with Anna, with six), or by the monetary value (a toss between Jen and Rosee), or by practical value (me, since nobody in their right mind would take a silly makeup bag over chocolate).

Maybe I’ll just have to leave it to the American people to decide. Or maybe this is another one of those lame “everybody wins” holidays.